Blank Slate

As I look at Emily lately I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed at the enormity of raising a child. She looks at me with these beautiful eyes that light up when I come near her. She kicks her legs and squirms all over as if to say "Yippee, here she comes and she's gonna love on me!"

But I can't help but wonder, "How does she just trust that I only want to love her and want what is best for her?" Even more fearfully I wonder, "Will she always be this excited to see me...when I'm not just the milk lady. Will she always trust that I love her and want only what's best for her?"

I read and hear about the heartbreaking stories of parents whose kids seemingly think they are the enemy and I'm so afraid to have this happen to me. We all hear about the prodigals, the kids who leave their faith ,their families and even their morals and values because they don't like their parents being parents. Emily is a blank slate...waiting to be filled. Maybe if I just love my kids enough and in the right way they'll never hate me, they'll never run away and they'll never lose their faith or their morals and values. But then again, I know that my love isn't enough. I know that in reality, my kids will do things and say things to me that will cause me a great amount of pain. But I will always love them and this is what I want them to know no matter what. I know that in addition to love, I need to show them faith so that they can have faith in me and in Him.

I wonder, did Abraham's voice waver as his son questioned where the animal was for the sacrifice they were going up the mountain to offer? Was his voice strong in his faith or did he have an element of humanness in his voice. Did his heart break at the thought of having to give up his only son because that is what was being asked of him and even ultimately what was best for his son? Did he question even just for a second, what he was about to do? I'd like to think that he did because if he did, those times when I waver I have hope.

I wonder, did Isaac question his father's love when Abraham was being obedient to God and ready to offer him as a sacrifice? Did he see this as love or did he think his dad had lost his mind as he was laying tied down to the wood altar? Was he ready to become a prodigal of sorts and outmucsle his much older father and run away from the man who was trying to kill him? Or, did Isaac see his father being obedient to his Father, no matter what the cost? I'd like to think that he did because if he did, my kids would feel love when they see me acting in faith and obedience.

I think ultimately Isaac didn't question his dad's love or his behavior because Abraham had shown him a lifetime of love but also of being faithful and obedient to his Father, even when it was painful. By being obedient Abraham was able to teach Isaac about his love and his faith in the most real way. The best part is that once Abraham demonstrated this love and faith, God rewarded him and rescued his son.

So how does this apply to Emily? I remind myself that love and faith can't be taught, it has to be lived, every moment of every day. If I show them the faith and love of Abraham then maybe, just maybe the eyes of my children that look back at me will always reflect back the love they feel from me and the faith they see in me in those prodigal moments when love and faith matter most. Maybe my being obedient in faith, even when it's painful will cause God to rescue my children from the brink of being prodigals like He rescued Isaac, simply because of my faith and ultimately teach my children about faith and love in the most real way.

As I strive to "teach" my kids what it means to love others and love God and what it means to have faith in all things, I'm reminded that these things are more caught than taught. My behavior is what really matters. Telling them I love them isn't nearly as important as showing them. Telling them what faith means isn't nearly as important as living it, even when it's painful. I pray that I can be a living example of these things to my kids to fill their blank slates.