Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Same Bat Time, Different Bat Channel
If you're looking for more witty commentary from yours truly you can now find it at www.thefamilyquiver.blogspot.com. A work in progress, but it's coming!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Tri, Tri Again?
I am totally undecided about what to do on Saturday. There is a triathlon I really want to do but I haven't trained for it specifically. It is only a 1/2 mile swim, 18 mile bike and a 5 mile run. How hard can it be?
So before you think I'm totally crazy hear me out. The swim shouldn't be that bad because I am a swimmer at heart...I could swim in my sleep so really it comes down to endurance. I figure a 1/2 mile swim should take me about 10 to 12 minutes at the most and since I can run at a pretty good clip for over an hour, what's the difference really. As long as I don't get kicked in the face or gut I figure I should be fine.
Next is the bike. 18 miles just doesn't sound like a big deal to me for some reason... again remembering that I run between 6 and 8 miles regularly.
The run at only 5 miles should be a walk in the park considering how far I usually run and the conditions I'm used to running in as mentioned in an earlier post. And it's a course I've run before...an added plus.
All in all I figure it should take me about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I should be able to do that right? I'm usually at the gym for usually an hour and 15 minutes, working the whole time and then running for an hour or more.
Here are the downsides.
1. I haven't trained...although I plan on swimming around the lake in my backyard a few times between now and then.
2. It's been over 8 years since I've done a triathlon.
3. I've had 4 kids since I did the last triathlon.
4. It costs $80 just to enter...what a ripoff for 2 hours of grueling torture...actually 2 hours of an adrenaline high but still a ripoff.
5. It will take up the better part of a morning
However
1. Isn't training, training really? It seems as if it takes a lot of endurance and that I know I have
2. Don't athletes get better as they age? So what if I'm 8 years older right?
3. I had 3 of those kids without any drugs...that should count for something
4. $80 sucks no matter how I look at it
5. It's just one morning, is that really a big deal?
I don't know, I'm torn. I know that triathlons are almost as much of a mental feat as they are a physical one. My mind is strong...I know I can do it. My body is strong...stronger than it was 8 years ago. I would be teaching my kids by example that they can do anything...almost.
Then again, maybe I'm just nuts. I guess you'll have to let me know!
So before you think I'm totally crazy hear me out. The swim shouldn't be that bad because I am a swimmer at heart...I could swim in my sleep so really it comes down to endurance. I figure a 1/2 mile swim should take me about 10 to 12 minutes at the most and since I can run at a pretty good clip for over an hour, what's the difference really. As long as I don't get kicked in the face or gut I figure I should be fine.
Next is the bike. 18 miles just doesn't sound like a big deal to me for some reason... again remembering that I run between 6 and 8 miles regularly.
The run at only 5 miles should be a walk in the park considering how far I usually run and the conditions I'm used to running in as mentioned in an earlier post. And it's a course I've run before...an added plus.
All in all I figure it should take me about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I should be able to do that right? I'm usually at the gym for usually an hour and 15 minutes, working the whole time and then running for an hour or more.
Here are the downsides.
1. I haven't trained...although I plan on swimming around the lake in my backyard a few times between now and then.
2. It's been over 8 years since I've done a triathlon.
3. I've had 4 kids since I did the last triathlon.
4. It costs $80 just to enter...what a ripoff for 2 hours of grueling torture...actually 2 hours of an adrenaline high but still a ripoff.
5. It will take up the better part of a morning
However
1. Isn't training, training really? It seems as if it takes a lot of endurance and that I know I have
2. Don't athletes get better as they age? So what if I'm 8 years older right?
3. I had 3 of those kids without any drugs...that should count for something
4. $80 sucks no matter how I look at it
5. It's just one morning, is that really a big deal?
I don't know, I'm torn. I know that triathlons are almost as much of a mental feat as they are a physical one. My mind is strong...I know I can do it. My body is strong...stronger than it was 8 years ago. I would be teaching my kids by example that they can do anything...almost.
Then again, maybe I'm just nuts. I guess you'll have to let me know!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Breathing
The new song that comes up first in my playlist is very inspirational to me right now. I find it very comforting to remember that everybody feels the way I do right now. There are times where we feel like it's all we can do just to keep breathing. Sometimes even that feels like too much.
Times that we wish things were different or maybe even the same when they've become different much to our disliking and beyond our control. Times when time itself seems to stand still. Waiting. Breathing in, breathing out.
I teach the girls that come to my Lamaze classes all about breathing. I show them how to do it and we do it, again and again each class. I teach them how we can use breathing to calm us, to focus our minds and how we can even use breathing to take us to a different time and place. Why then does breathing right now even seem so hard? Why aren't I better at it?
By the time I got to my third labor my breathing was so ingrained it was like a reflex, an automatic response. It provided a means of escaping the pain that was threatening to overpower me. Breathing helped me stay in control.
I teach my girls that labor is like waves...you can either ride them or let them wash over you. But isn't life itself a bit like waves in the same way? Sometimes life batters us and sometimes it lulls us to a peaceful sleep.
I remember one time when I was younger and we were on one of our annual boat trpis way up North. The waves were huge. We would ride way up in the air and come slamming down on the backside not knowing what we may be slamming down on top of or where the waves would toss us. We were in a group with other boats but with no radar we couldn't see where they were and there was no way that we could see them with our eyes...the waves were too enormous. Scary times. The same waves that lapped on the side of the boat when I was going to bed were tossing us around, threatening to capsize us at any time.
I definitely feel the waves of life right now but they aren't the peaceful, lulling kind. More like the violent out of control kind. I feel like I'm teetering between riding them and getting pulled under. It seems at times like I have no radar to guide me or show me where I'm headed or where my allies even are. Breathing in, breathing out...that's me right now...hoping I don't capsize.
I'm reminded of the story we had in school just this week of how Jesus calmed the storm and waves that threatened to capsize his helpers. His friends were all panicked, thinking they were certainly near death. Yet He remained calm, even was sleeping. Breathing in, breathing out as though nothing was going on around Him.
I know just as He calms that storm He can calm the storms in my own life. Even though I feel panicked and like the waves will overtake me sometimes, I know I just need to follow His example...breathing in, breathing out...remaining calm. Focusing on the same breathing that I teach every week... at least once. The very same breathing that is so ingrained and can take me to a different time and space. The same breathing that relaxed me as I brought forth life with each baby I've delivered. The power to overcome pain, storms and unknown direction with each breath. Living, breathing...in and out, trusting in the One who can calm even the most horrendous storm to calm even me.
Times that we wish things were different or maybe even the same when they've become different much to our disliking and beyond our control. Times when time itself seems to stand still. Waiting. Breathing in, breathing out.
I teach the girls that come to my Lamaze classes all about breathing. I show them how to do it and we do it, again and again each class. I teach them how we can use breathing to calm us, to focus our minds and how we can even use breathing to take us to a different time and place. Why then does breathing right now even seem so hard? Why aren't I better at it?
By the time I got to my third labor my breathing was so ingrained it was like a reflex, an automatic response. It provided a means of escaping the pain that was threatening to overpower me. Breathing helped me stay in control.
I teach my girls that labor is like waves...you can either ride them or let them wash over you. But isn't life itself a bit like waves in the same way? Sometimes life batters us and sometimes it lulls us to a peaceful sleep.
I remember one time when I was younger and we were on one of our annual boat trpis way up North. The waves were huge. We would ride way up in the air and come slamming down on the backside not knowing what we may be slamming down on top of or where the waves would toss us. We were in a group with other boats but with no radar we couldn't see where they were and there was no way that we could see them with our eyes...the waves were too enormous. Scary times. The same waves that lapped on the side of the boat when I was going to bed were tossing us around, threatening to capsize us at any time.
I definitely feel the waves of life right now but they aren't the peaceful, lulling kind. More like the violent out of control kind. I feel like I'm teetering between riding them and getting pulled under. It seems at times like I have no radar to guide me or show me where I'm headed or where my allies even are. Breathing in, breathing out...that's me right now...hoping I don't capsize.
I'm reminded of the story we had in school just this week of how Jesus calmed the storm and waves that threatened to capsize his helpers. His friends were all panicked, thinking they were certainly near death. Yet He remained calm, even was sleeping. Breathing in, breathing out as though nothing was going on around Him.
I know just as He calms that storm He can calm the storms in my own life. Even though I feel panicked and like the waves will overtake me sometimes, I know I just need to follow His example...breathing in, breathing out...remaining calm. Focusing on the same breathing that I teach every week... at least once. The very same breathing that is so ingrained and can take me to a different time and space. The same breathing that relaxed me as I brought forth life with each baby I've delivered. The power to overcome pain, storms and unknown direction with each breath. Living, breathing...in and out, trusting in the One who can calm even the most horrendous storm to calm even me.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Hello again!
Sorry that all the pictures are at the beginning but I've had trouble with my blog ever since I put up the last slide show. Below you will find the narration that goes with all the pictures. Grrrrr.
Whew! It has been busy around here lately. I had planned on posting last night but then Jim ended up getting a conference call that he needed me to listen to from work. That took up an hour and then we were busy after that starting to get him packed. He could be leaving anytime to provide disaster relief for either Hurricane Gustav or Hannah through Fema. He did this last year with hurricane Dean which if you remember, didn't end up being anything and he ended up getting flown back home soon after he got there. He was bummed that there was no excitement but I was quite relieved since Emily was only 6 days old when he left. This time around I am super excited for him though and hope he ends up not only being able to go, but actually do something. He is on team 2 and team 1 is leaving tonight...we'll have to see.
In addition to that we had our friends out here yesterday...actually they are our old neighbors and the kids' best friends. It was a great day of weather, tubing, wave running and skiing. Speaking of which...no one can call us old since Jim and I have water skied twice this past week...a feat we haven't done since we were half our age! We both got up on the first try and Jim even dropped one ski...quite the stud I must say!
Levi also lost his tooth this past week and was quite amazed that the tooth fairy found him all the way out here. Secretly I think Annalise is relieved that she found Levi because now she knows for sure that the tooth fairy will find her as well.
Rebecca is getting ready for dance class which starts in just over 1 week. She is constantly twirling around here just like she was at home. She is going to have a blast and I think she has a lot of natural talent as well just like her big sister. Pretty soon I'll have 3 twirling ballerinas!
We are also eagerly anticipating our hole being dug for the house. Hopefully this week or the week after. We are so excited and I am loving deciding on all the paint colors and stuff. I opened up the Pottery Barn Kids catalog which was a big mistake considering we are having a hard enough time staying on budget for the house alone. So if any of you are looking for gift ideas for moi...ahem...a gift card from there would be superb!
Anyhoo...it was so cute the other day when Emily was eating lunch..."Who me, tired?!" We could not wake her up no matter what we did. Finally I just put her in bed (which woke her up like a charm of course). When she isn't sleeping she is walking around like crazy and is frighteningly close to running around. She's got all the other kids to keep up with I guess.
Well I think I'll be done babbling for awhile now as I have more looking to do in the before mentioned catalog. Apparently I'm glutton for punishment as I don't think I would ever actually allow myself to buy anything from there...garage sales and Walmart are more in my price range but a girl can dream!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Peace
NOGIVEUP
This is what the licence plate in front of me read today as I was on the road. I was deep in thought, praising God for His faithfulness over the past 5 months since we decided to put our house up for sale. All the ups and downs, the disappointments, the tears.
Today we are the proud owners of a lot on which we will be building our next home. Digging will start within a couple of weeks. We are more than thrilled to finally have some direction in our lives again.
The idea of signing on the dotted line today was very overwhelming as it approached. We felt this is where God was leading for various reasons but still the commitment was still very scary. Once we did it...peace. I have no doubt that this is the door God has finally opened for us. Actually, it was open all along...we finally just walked through it.
Everyone has their hard times, but the last 3 years with Jim in school have been really tough for all of us. To think of how God has brought us to the point where we are now...Jim is getting ready to start his new job as soon as next week. Everything He's brought us through...
NOGIVEUP...true?
right on the money.
NOGIVEUP...minimal?
definately not.
NOGIVEUP...could we have done all of this on our own?
hardly.
This is what the licence plate in front of me read today as I was on the road. I was deep in thought, praising God for His faithfulness over the past 5 months since we decided to put our house up for sale. All the ups and downs, the disappointments, the tears.
Today we are the proud owners of a lot on which we will be building our next home. Digging will start within a couple of weeks. We are more than thrilled to finally have some direction in our lives again.
The idea of signing on the dotted line today was very overwhelming as it approached. We felt this is where God was leading for various reasons but still the commitment was still very scary. Once we did it...peace. I have no doubt that this is the door God has finally opened for us. Actually, it was open all along...we finally just walked through it.
Everyone has their hard times, but the last 3 years with Jim in school have been really tough for all of us. To think of how God has brought us to the point where we are now...Jim is getting ready to start his new job as soon as next week. Everything He's brought us through...
NOGIVEUP...true?
right on the money.
NOGIVEUP...minimal?
definately not.
NOGIVEUP...could we have done all of this on our own?
hardly.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Fun filled Day
http://widget-27.slide.com/widgets/slideticker.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" scale="noscale" salign="l" wmode="transparent" flashvars="cy=bb&il=1&channel=1513209474815482663&site=widget-27.slide.com" style="width:400px;height:320px" name="flashticker" align="middle">
For whatever reason there are technical difficulties but you can click on view all images and see the slide show!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Well Trained
These are the two words that describe what I will be like when we move from this house. I'm preparing for at least one more 10K this year and running out here is quite the challenge.
Apparently because we are near a lake it is always windy here. I don't just mean a gentle breeze. I'm talking like gale force winds. When I'm running I feel like I must look like one of those cartoon characters that are spinning their legs but not going anywhere. Or perhaps like I'm running in slow motion. My ear buds often blow out of my ears when the wind catches them just right.
Another way that I will be well trained is due to all the hills that are out here. I'm used to running on relatively flat terrain but this is quite the opposite. The hills are big and loooooooong. Every time I finally get to the top of one I feel like I'm going to die, or at least that I need to walk for awhile...but I just keep pushing forward...one foot in front of the other ( I actually chant this to myself when things get really tough and it seems to help).
Add to those things the fact that there are a few drivers that don't know proper etiquette when approaching runners along the side of the road. Out here in the middle of nowhere there are no sidewalks but just a very skinny shoulder on the side of the road. The speed limits are 55 and many people travel well above that. So proper etiquette states that if there is no one in the opposing lane of traffic a driver should move well away from said shoulder of the road. Well when this doesn't happen I'm left feeling like I'm running inside a tornado from all the wind that the speeding car whose paint I basically have on my arm they were so close causes in it's wake.
I had a different challenge today...gagging and vomiting while I was running. Why, you ask? Well because the stench of cow manure was so strong I could taste it. That's right, taste it. Note to self: when running downwind from the farm, turn around before coming within 100 yards.
The road is nice and newly paved but this equates to being hotter than a frying pan with the black pavement. I swear I can hear my skin sizzling as I near the end of my run.
Today I was also challenged by the fact that my MP3 player died about halfway through my run. My music is what keeps me going and I knew it was just not going to be good once I lost that today. My music is my only companion out here in the middle of nowhere. Well unless you count the various forms of roadkill that I encounter on these high speed roads. The really big problem with that is I could hear this freshly hit raccoon moaning as I ran past it. Sick!
The first morning I ran here I could see something terrifying in the distance as I kept approaching it. What could it be for this bird a phobe but a row of roosters walking across the road. I have a HUGE phobia of anything that has feathers so for me this was a very big deal. I debated about what to do...close my eyes, curl up in a ball on the side of the road and wait for them to pass (or peck my eyes out) or do what I decided to do. Start making a bunch of noise with my feet in the gravel and chant loudly "oh dear, please leave me alone" repeatedly and hope for the best. All in all this plan didn't turn out too badly as they waddled their little selves a bit quicker than before but still much too close for my liking but I did manage to survive.
I often find it easier with all of these obstacles to close my eyes while I'm running, somehow drawing some extra strength from within. This could be a bit dangerous as I could find myself in the ditch if I stray too far to the left. Or should I say canyon as it is a 15 foot drop just to the side of the road in some places. I'm thinking I should increase my life insurance policy on myself soon.
Anyway, while I was running with my eyes closed today I realized that running this way is much like the way life feels to me right now. I feel like I'm running through each day with my eyes closed. I'm just living one day at a time right now much like putting one foot in front of the other while I'm running. I don't know exactly where I'm going but I do trust the One who does. What I do know is that the road is leading me somewhere if I just stay on it. There are times that I do find myself in the ditch though. Times where I've doubted, times where I'm frustrated by the crazy setbacks that seem to keep coming our way. There are times that I encounter dying hopes and dreams much like encountering roadkill on the road or even scary situations much like a flock of roosters. There have been uphills and downhills and I can't quite find a parallel for the stench of manure...it's just manure.
We all have our uphill days and our downhill days but I was totally convicted of how I choose to deal with my uphill days by my devotional this morning which posed a question very near and dear to my situation right now. The author asked "Can you resolve to set your heart at peace knowing that God's best answer may already be on its way?" Ouch. I had to answer that right now my answer was a resounding no.
So I guess as much as my body is being trained while I'm living here, so is my faith. By the time I leave here I hope my faith will be as well trained
as I know my body will.
Apparently because we are near a lake it is always windy here. I don't just mean a gentle breeze. I'm talking like gale force winds. When I'm running I feel like I must look like one of those cartoon characters that are spinning their legs but not going anywhere. Or perhaps like I'm running in slow motion. My ear buds often blow out of my ears when the wind catches them just right.
Another way that I will be well trained is due to all the hills that are out here. I'm used to running on relatively flat terrain but this is quite the opposite. The hills are big and loooooooong. Every time I finally get to the top of one I feel like I'm going to die, or at least that I need to walk for awhile...but I just keep pushing forward...one foot in front of the other ( I actually chant this to myself when things get really tough and it seems to help).
Add to those things the fact that there are a few drivers that don't know proper etiquette when approaching runners along the side of the road. Out here in the middle of nowhere there are no sidewalks but just a very skinny shoulder on the side of the road. The speed limits are 55 and many people travel well above that. So proper etiquette states that if there is no one in the opposing lane of traffic a driver should move well away from said shoulder of the road. Well when this doesn't happen I'm left feeling like I'm running inside a tornado from all the wind that the speeding car whose paint I basically have on my arm they were so close causes in it's wake.
I had a different challenge today...gagging and vomiting while I was running. Why, you ask? Well because the stench of cow manure was so strong I could taste it. That's right, taste it. Note to self: when running downwind from the farm, turn around before coming within 100 yards.
The road is nice and newly paved but this equates to being hotter than a frying pan with the black pavement. I swear I can hear my skin sizzling as I near the end of my run.
Today I was also challenged by the fact that my MP3 player died about halfway through my run. My music is what keeps me going and I knew it was just not going to be good once I lost that today. My music is my only companion out here in the middle of nowhere. Well unless you count the various forms of roadkill that I encounter on these high speed roads. The really big problem with that is I could hear this freshly hit raccoon moaning as I ran past it. Sick!
The first morning I ran here I could see something terrifying in the distance as I kept approaching it. What could it be for this bird a phobe but a row of roosters walking across the road. I have a HUGE phobia of anything that has feathers so for me this was a very big deal. I debated about what to do...close my eyes, curl up in a ball on the side of the road and wait for them to pass (or peck my eyes out) or do what I decided to do. Start making a bunch of noise with my feet in the gravel and chant loudly "oh dear, please leave me alone" repeatedly and hope for the best. All in all this plan didn't turn out too badly as they waddled their little selves a bit quicker than before but still much too close for my liking but I did manage to survive.
I often find it easier with all of these obstacles to close my eyes while I'm running, somehow drawing some extra strength from within. This could be a bit dangerous as I could find myself in the ditch if I stray too far to the left. Or should I say canyon as it is a 15 foot drop just to the side of the road in some places. I'm thinking I should increase my life insurance policy on myself soon.
Anyway, while I was running with my eyes closed today I realized that running this way is much like the way life feels to me right now. I feel like I'm running through each day with my eyes closed. I'm just living one day at a time right now much like putting one foot in front of the other while I'm running. I don't know exactly where I'm going but I do trust the One who does. What I do know is that the road is leading me somewhere if I just stay on it. There are times that I do find myself in the ditch though. Times where I've doubted, times where I'm frustrated by the crazy setbacks that seem to keep coming our way. There are times that I encounter dying hopes and dreams much like encountering roadkill on the road or even scary situations much like a flock of roosters. There have been uphills and downhills and I can't quite find a parallel for the stench of manure...it's just manure.
We all have our uphill days and our downhill days but I was totally convicted of how I choose to deal with my uphill days by my devotional this morning which posed a question very near and dear to my situation right now. The author asked "Can you resolve to set your heart at peace knowing that God's best answer may already be on its way?" Ouch. I had to answer that right now my answer was a resounding no.
So I guess as much as my body is being trained while I'm living here, so is my faith. By the time I leave here I hope my faith will be as well trained
as I know my body will.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Two Extremes
How is it that life can offer you two polar opposite extremes at once, almost as if changing in a very moment.
On the one hand we have been meeting with builders trying to figure out if building is a possibility for us. Trying to schedule meetings in between Jim's work schedule and my class schedule and living 35 mins. away from where we are looking has again proven to be a stressful situation. Equally as stressful I think as walking through house after house has been. Although I do have to say that envisioning a home just the way I would choose again has been more fun than walking through existing homes.
On the other hand, we've been playing in the lake, tubing and taking long walks a lot. I've finished reading a couple of books and started the very overwhelming task of getting caught up on my scrap booking. The key to having 10 ongoing albums has always been not getting more than a few months behind. Now as I am almost a year behind in most I have been so looking forward to having just a bit of free time to catch back up and it has felt great to just get started.
We went back to the old neighborhood this past week so the kids could play with their friends next door and it was easier than I thought it would be to go there. It was just weird I guess. We've definitely settled in here and living there seems like a lifetime ago even though it has only been 3 weeks since we moved out. I'm hoping in a way that time would start to speed up. Although maybe not...it is kind of nice to just kick back sometimes. I'm not looking forward to unpacking everything that I just packed.
The kids are definitely enjoying their time here and settling in a bit more and not getting up at the crack of dawn anymore now that they are getting more used to their new sleeping environments. They are having fun with all the "toys" that are here: pinball, airhockey and of course, cable! They are pretty much always entertained whether inside or out.
Enjoy the pictures of what life has been like lately and I'll keep all up to date on our future living situation as we get it figured out!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Baby Girl
What a day. A fun day filled with boats, laughter and presents but a day with a lot of emotion too. My baby turned one today.
First birthdays are never easy for me. I love babies. I always instruct all my kids to stay babies forever but so far none have listened and Emily is no exception as today proves.
I wish that I could somehow know when exactly the "firsts" will end. I would embrace the lasts so much more than I embrace even the firsts. When will be the last nightime feeding? When will be the last time she crawls? When will the clingy mommy phase that can sometimes be so tiring end? If I knew I would relish the last moments of each. She is so close to walking and everyone is cheering her on and I just don't. She will get there soon enough I just have no desire to speed her along.
Emily has been such a gift to
us. She has a few rare difficult moments, but for the most part she has been such a joy. I "put my order in" for an easy baby with #4 and it has definitely been that way with her. She has delighted not only her parents but her siblings have been in love with her from the first day she came home from the hospital. The kids have always wanted to help with her and I keep waiting for that to wear off and get boring but it just hasn't. They are completely captivated by her to this day. They still fight over who gets the front row seat when Emily tries a new food. Go figure.
Emily's short life has not been without it's miraculous moments from the start. The Dr. told me I wasn't even pregnant when I indeed was because my pregnancy hormone levels were so low. As the next couple of weeks went on, the levels continued to be dangerously low and the Dr. told me I would most likely miscarry. The problems just went on from there...but sure enough she proved all the concerns to be false when she made her grand entrance. What a little peanut...5 lbs, 15 ounces.
Then there was the problems she was having with her eyes that proved to be nothing as well. She has been such a miracle to us every day.
What can I say about her? She has such the personality. She definitely has a mind of her own and there is no one that can stop her when she makes it up. She is also fearless as she just proved tonight. She actually climbed up on a footstool and right up onto Grandpa's lap all in search of his waterbottle. "Watch out world, here I come," is her mantra and has been ever since my labor started with contractions lasting 2 minutes with only 30 seconds rest right from the start. Have mercy.
She has a husky Rachael Ray type voice that is very different than any of the other girls in our family. She laughs all the time and the kids never tire of egging her on with it. She has the prettiest curly eyelashes and peach fuzz hair that blows in the wi
nd now. She is definitely going to have very curly, toe head blond hair. She is oh so close to walking, waves hello and goodbye and loves nodding her head. She smacks her lips mimicking people who are chewing and loves to eat anything and everything. She likes to eat big people food now as she seems to have decided that she is no longer a baby although she is nowhere near ready to give up breastfeeding which is just fine with me.
I no longer have a "zero year old" as the other kids love to joke about. She has officially joined the ranks of being a toddler. I'm left feeling both happy and sad. Of course sad about what's left behind including the "baby" stage as Emily may be our last. Excited for all the future brings...love, laughter, life.
For now I'll just keep sucking on those baby cheeks for every last moment that I can as I know those days are numbered as well. I'll bury my head in her neck and inhale that baby smell that she still has. I'll savor her clinginess every last time she offers it.
First birthdays are never easy for me. I love babies. I always instruct all my kids to stay babies forever but so far none have listened and Emily is no exception as today proves.
I wish that I could somehow know when exactly the "firsts" will end. I would embrace the lasts so much more than I embrace even the firsts. When will be the last nightime feeding? When will be the last time she crawls? When will the clingy mommy phase that can sometimes be so tiring end? If I knew I would relish the last moments of each. She is so close to walking and everyone is cheering her on and I just don't. She will get there soon enough I just have no desire to speed her along.
Emily has been such a gift to
us. She has a few rare difficult moments, but for the most part she has been such a joy. I "put my order in" for an easy baby with #4 and it has definitely been that way with her. She has delighted not only her parents but her siblings have been in love with her from the first day she came home from the hospital. The kids have always wanted to help with her and I keep waiting for that to wear off and get boring but it just hasn't. They are completely captivated by her to this day. They still fight over who gets the front row seat when Emily tries a new food. Go figure.Emily's short life has not been without it's miraculous moments from the start. The Dr. told me I wasn't even pregnant when I indeed was because my pregnancy hormone levels were so low. As the next couple of weeks went on, the levels continued to be dangerously low and the Dr. told me I would most likely miscarry. The problems just went on from there...but sure enough she proved all the concerns to be false when she made her grand entrance. What a little peanut...5 lbs, 15 ounces.
Then there was the problems she was having with her eyes that proved to be nothing as well. She has been such a miracle to us every day.
What can I say about her? She has such the personality. She definitely has a mind of her own and there is no one that can stop her when she makes it up. She is also fearless as she just proved tonight. She actually climbed up on a footstool and right up onto Grandpa's lap all in search of his waterbottle. "Watch out world, here I come," is her mantra and has been ever since my labor started with contractions lasting 2 minutes with only 30 seconds rest right from the start. Have mercy.
She has a husky Rachael Ray type voice that is very different than any of the other girls in our family. She laughs all the time and the kids never tire of egging her on with it. She has the prettiest curly eyelashes and peach fuzz hair that blows in the wi
nd now. She is definitely going to have very curly, toe head blond hair. She is oh so close to walking, waves hello and goodbye and loves nodding her head. She smacks her lips mimicking people who are chewing and loves to eat anything and everything. She likes to eat big people food now as she seems to have decided that she is no longer a baby although she is nowhere near ready to give up breastfeeding which is just fine with me.I no longer have a "zero year old" as the other kids love to joke about. She has officially joined the ranks of being a toddler. I'm left feeling both happy and sad. Of course sad about what's left behind including the "baby" stage as Emily may be our last. Excited for all the future brings...love, laughter, life.
For now I'll just keep sucking on those baby cheeks for every last moment that I can as I know those days are numbered as well. I'll bury my head in her neck and inhale that baby smell that she still has. I'll savor her clinginess every last time she offers it.
She has been such a blessing to me and our family and has brought such a unique love to out family life. We are so thankful that God had a different plan for her life than what it appeared from the very start. We can't wait to see that plan unfold as it must be something really special.
Happy birthday Emmy Bear, mommy loves you.
Happy birthday Emmy Bear, mommy loves you.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Ramona
What is faster than a locomotive...
Can leap down a flight of 6 stairs in a single bound...
Is more bubbly than the finest champagne...
Look up in the air...
It's a bird, it's a plane it's SuperBecca!
Four years ago tomorrow she made her grand entrance after the longest, most excruciating labor of all my four children and during the 4 days that followed I was certain that I was going to die I was in so much pain. She had bruised my
ribs in utero and was a more powerful breastfeeder than any super poly grip hold could ever dream of being.
ribs in utero and was a more powerful breastfeeder than any super poly grip hold could ever dream of being.Also known as Ramona (the Ramona Quimby variety), she is constantly finding herself in some sort of conundrum. Her spunky little haircut is a red haired version of Ramona herslf that is quite remarkable. She also has that spitfire personality Ramona Quimbly is well known for.
The fast locomotive I described in the opening is not so much in reference to her legs as it is to her mouth. Someone certainly must have had this Kathy in mind(her middle name is Kathleen) when they coined the phrase "Chatty Kathy" as this girl's mouth is never quiet and by never I do mean NEVER!!! She even speaks a mile a minute in her sleep...no kidding. Just tonight while out for a walk I had to say "Becca, quiet" 8 times just to keep my head from exploding.
She manages to get herself "tied up" in her clothes when she is getting either dressed or undressed quite frequently. Just this afternoon wails were coming from the bathroom where I found her on the ground on her side floundering around like a fish out of water as she was trying to put her overall outfit back on after going to the bathroom and she literally had all four limbs somehow tangled up inside her inside out, and rightside out twisted outfit. She was stuck in this position in between the toilet and the wall after she flailed around on the floor for awhile before calling for help.
With the price of gas these days I find myself wishing I could somehow channel the gas this little 28 pound girl pu
ts out. She could attend and win any farting contest in any college fraternity anywhere not by noise level but by frequency. I hope she never decides to light them on fire as I will surely find myself homeless, although I wouldn't put it past her.
ts out. She could attend and win any farting contest in any college fraternity anywhere not by noise level but by frequency. I hope she never decides to light them on fire as I will surely find myself homeless, although I wouldn't put it past her.She is afraid of nothing which she proved just the other night at the zoo when she would have preferred to get in the tank with the sting rays she was pe
tting at the zoo. Her little arms charged right into the water before Jim could even explain what she was supposed to be doing. Levi was busy whining about being scared to ride the camel while Rebecca lept from the platform into the "driver's seat" of the animal that is 10 times her size.
tting at the zoo. Her little arms charged right into the water before Jim could even explain what she was supposed to be doing. Levi was busy whining about being scared to ride the camel while Rebecca lept from the platform into the "driver's seat" of the animal that is 10 times her size.To this day she confuses my two sisters who look nothing alike simply because she is too busy to pay attention to who is who yet she knew all her letter sounds by the time she was 3.
If something is not right with her, you will know it...guaranteed... as her whine is screechier (yes, I made this word up) than any firetruck's siren. She could host a diving competition off the ledge of her bottom lip that she makes when she pouts (also another sign that all is not well with her) and don't even think about crossing her as she will most certainly entangle you in a dusty brawl much like Nellie Olsen of Little House on the Prairie fame. She even manages to do that little squinty thing with her eye that Nellie does as she puts her fists up by her face ready to sock you one. Not really, but she might someday soon when she gets just a bit older...she takes nothing from no one...EVER!
On the other hand, her smile can light up a room and she has that little cute laugh that little girls have. She is ticklish everywhere at just the lightest touch and can spin in circles around most professional ballerinas. She dances all the time, often to only the music in her own mind and can sing any praise and worship song that she's ever heard, even if only one time.
She's smart as a whip which frustrates her older brother to no end. She does nothing unless it's her own idea, but when it is, the sky is the limit, there is nothing she can't do when she tries. She "reads" books to herself for hours every day even changing her voice to reflect each different character. Her eyes are more piercing than her whine as they are an absolutely striking shade of blue and they are framed by the longest blondest eyelashes I've ever seen.
She wears dresses every day even though she doesn't mind rolling around in the dirt in them and has been doing her own hair for more than a year. She is a girly girl and dreams of one day being a real princess with a pet frog of course. She loves being a big sister and can't wait to be a mom someday.
She makes me laugh everyday and never hesitates to hand out hugs and kisses. She keeps me on my toes and always keeps me guessing about what is going on inside that mind of hers. She is teaching me that parenting isn't so much by the books but is more about by the kid. She forces me to look outside myself for the answers and to look up more instead. She has taught me more about unconditional love during the past 4 years than I ever knew before. And not so much the unconditional love I need to give her as the unconditional love she gives me when I so often "screw up" in dealing with her.
I'm so thankful for the gift she's been to me and the joy she's brought to my life. Our family would not be the same without her and I look forward to the years to come. Happy birthday Becca Boo...mommy loves you.
Pot of Gold
What I want to know is when am I going to get to the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow? It sure is taking a long time. We found out this week that the house we put an offer in on is no longer for sale. The owner's mortgage lender is now trying to make things work for them. Great for them, not so much for us. Back to square one.
Life has had it's ups and down since we've moved here. As I've explained earlier, relationships are experiencing a whole different or perhaps long since forgotten dynamic. This is why despite the downs, I choose to see the beauty of the rainbow right now. The elusive pot of gold definitely seems way out of reach now though.
We are so tired of looking for a house and are just not having any luck finding something that will work well for our particular needs...ahem, my needs...so we are kicking around the idea of building again instead. However as we and I'm sure all of you know this is no short process. These are such tough decisions....once we commit to something I think it will be less stressful but for now I'd love to see just a shimmer of gold at the rainbow's edge as a preview.
My personality is such that I can endure anything as long as I know where the end is. This not knowing is what causes all the stress for me. The kids were talking just the other day about how excited they are to see certain things of theirs that have been packed up since April when we put our house on the market. I have to admit I somewhat agree and if after we are settled in our house if I never see another roll of box tape that will be just fine with me.
I guess for now I'll keep looking through the colors of my rainbow ever in search of just the tiniest little gold shimmer.
Life has had it's ups and down since we've moved here. As I've explained earlier, relationships are experiencing a whole different or perhaps long since forgotten dynamic. This is why despite the downs, I choose to see the beauty of the rainbow right now. The elusive pot of gold definitely seems way out of reach now though.
We are so tired of looking for a house and are just not having any luck finding something that will work well for our particular needs...ahem, my needs...so we are kicking around the idea of building again instead. However as we and I'm sure all of you know this is no short process. These are such tough decisions....once we commit to something I think it will be less stressful but for now I'd love to see just a shimmer of gold at the rainbow's edge as a preview.
My personality is such that I can endure anything as long as I know where the end is. This not knowing is what causes all the stress for me. The kids were talking just the other day about how excited they are to see certain things of theirs that have been packed up since April when we put our house on the market. I have to admit I somewhat agree and if after we are settled in our house if I never see another roll of box tape that will be just fine with me.
I guess for now I'll keep looking through the colors of my rainbow ever in search of just the tiniest little gold shimmer.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Whirlwind
The whirlwind we've been living in continues this week because I am teaching 3 Lamaze classes, cleaning the house that I clean once a week and doing baby food testing 4 days. Next week should finally slow down and I look so forward to that. I have had some time though to appreciate a few things that I can share.
So living with my husband's' parents has been really great for my marriage which is exactly the opposite of normal thinking...most would expect it to be quite stressful. My inlaws are very giving, laid back, genuinely sweet people which has allowed me to see all these wonderful qualities in my husband as well. These are traits that he has had all along. In fact these are many of the traits that attracted me to him in the first place but with all the busyness of life and the way that we take others for granted these traits have been all but forgotten by me. In some cases these very traits have become annoyances at times instead of the great qualities I've been reminded of over the past few days.
It's been really great to have time to just enjoy the kids more like I used to be able to do before we sold the house and had to deal with all of that. I even found myself laughing with them which unfortunately had become totally foreign as of late. I've given hugs, cuddled, played games, read books and finally had time to pray...really pray with the kids at bedtime again. All things that I knew I was missing but could do nothing about over the past 2 weeks or so. I can't wait until next week when life slows down more and I can do even more of these things.
I've figured out that we have way too much stuff and can do without some of it. I can't wait to get all my stuff back after having lived without some of it for over 6 months by that time and decide if we really need it...Craig's list, here I come!
I think though what I've really gained over the past few days is the reminder that God really does have a plan even when it seems like He doesn't. That there is often a plan that is much better than anything we could have come up with. The reassurance that He, my Father, really does give good gifts to me just like I give good gifts to my kids. Often these are gifts that I know they need or would love unbeknown to them.
Over the past few days I've received the gift of a fresh perspective of my husband and our marriage. Over the past few years this area has really taken a beating as so much has been focused on getting through school and working as much as possible and whatever was left went to the kids all because it had to be this way. It had been really hard to find any time or energy to put anything into the marriage for both of us. What a gift just the past few days has been in this area. I am so excited to see how much more our marriage will grow over the next couple of months while we are able to continue to grow without the added pressure of a home and all that goes with it.
I have received the gift of fun and laughter where there more recently has been only stress and quite often unrealistic expectations. The kids have enjoyed having their mother back instead of the green eyed monster.
I have received the gift of my Father's love in a tangible way. I've received the gift of starting to see the exciting future that he has planned for me and my family.
I have recieved peace and the ability to sing praises in all things...especially things that are difficult and uncharted. For me, this is a huge step.
So living with my husband's' parents has been really great for my marriage which is exactly the opposite of normal thinking...most would expect it to be quite stressful. My inlaws are very giving, laid back, genuinely sweet people which has allowed me to see all these wonderful qualities in my husband as well. These are traits that he has had all along. In fact these are many of the traits that attracted me to him in the first place but with all the busyness of life and the way that we take others for granted these traits have been all but forgotten by me. In some cases these very traits have become annoyances at times instead of the great qualities I've been reminded of over the past few days.
It's been really great to have time to just enjoy the kids more like I used to be able to do before we sold the house and had to deal with all of that. I even found myself laughing with them which unfortunately had become totally foreign as of late. I've given hugs, cuddled, played games, read books and finally had time to pray...really pray with the kids at bedtime again. All things that I knew I was missing but could do nothing about over the past 2 weeks or so. I can't wait until next week when life slows down more and I can do even more of these things.
I've figured out that we have way too much stuff and can do without some of it. I can't wait to get all my stuff back after having lived without some of it for over 6 months by that time and decide if we really need it...Craig's list, here I come!
I think though what I've really gained over the past few days is the reminder that God really does have a plan even when it seems like He doesn't. That there is often a plan that is much better than anything we could have come up with. The reassurance that He, my Father, really does give good gifts to me just like I give good gifts to my kids. Often these are gifts that I know they need or would love unbeknown to them.
Over the past few days I've received the gift of a fresh perspective of my husband and our marriage. Over the past few years this area has really taken a beating as so much has been focused on getting through school and working as much as possible and whatever was left went to the kids all because it had to be this way. It had been really hard to find any time or energy to put anything into the marriage for both of us. What a gift just the past few days has been in this area. I am so excited to see how much more our marriage will grow over the next couple of months while we are able to continue to grow without the added pressure of a home and all that goes with it.
I have received the gift of fun and laughter where there more recently has been only stress and quite often unrealistic expectations. The kids have enjoyed having their mother back instead of the green eyed monster.
I have received the gift of my Father's love in a tangible way. I've received the gift of starting to see the exciting future that he has planned for me and my family.
I have recieved peace and the ability to sing praises in all things...especially things that are difficult and uncharted. For me, this is a huge step.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Moved
Well, we are out of our house. A big thank you to all who helped...especially our friend Mike who stuck with Jim until 2am when we were down to the wire. We could not have done it without any of you.
I don't have much to say, surprisingly. I'm very emotionally drained. My eyes are almost swollen shut due to crying, allergies and lack of sleep. But I'll post more later.
We do not have Internet at my in laws so my posts won't be quite as frequent. I'll try to do my best to post at least once a week or so.
That;s all for now...more about moving later.
I don't have much to say, surprisingly. I'm very emotionally drained. My eyes are almost swollen shut due to crying, allergies and lack of sleep. But I'll post more later.
We do not have Internet at my in laws so my posts won't be quite as frequent. I'll try to do my best to post at least once a week or so.
That;s all for now...more about moving later.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Reunion
Everyone in the whole salon always used to crowd around the windows to watch them get out of the car and approach the door. First he would come around to her door and help her out of the car. Then he would close the door for her and hand in hand they would walk slowly inside as he held the door for her.
Once inside, he would carefully take off her coat and then remove his own coat and hat and fold them neatly on the seat next to him. At this point all the girls that had been watching were still watching in quiet amazement as she leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'll be back in a little while," she said. To which he responded, "ok, dear."
After she was done she would often ask him how she looked and he would tell her she looked very nice, dear. Then the process that happened when they arrived happened exactly in reverse as they left. This happened each and every time they came.
After they left the girls always told me how cute my grandparents were and how they wished they could be like that with their husbands when they were older. They loved it when my grandparents came to the salon for me to do her hair. The rare love they shared for a lifetime was so apparent and remarkable to see lived out. I was always so proud at the loving example I had of what love could be compared to what so many of the others were missing in their own lives.
I have so many memories of them doing everything together...making meals, doing dishes, gardening, housework and so many more that I'm sure I'm not recalling at this time.
I guess it doesn't surprise me that my grandma died today, only 4 1/2 short months after he did. She had been lost in the world of Alzheimer's for quite some time and her mind didn't even realize that he was gone; that her husband, such a vital part of her existence had died...or did she?
They say that often older people that live a lifetime together can't live apart when one dies first. That they often follow one right after the other.
I'd like to think that her love for him and his love for her that was once so vibrant really was still like a magnetic force that drew her to him, so shortly after he had left her. That even though her mind which had so seemingly betrayed her for these past years really didn't fail her at all. Somehow her mind knew that she belonged with him and her body soon followed.
Of course I'm no scientist and have no proof but through these rare glimpses into their love I certainly do think it's possible.
What a reunion there must have been today. Even though death had only separated them for a short time, Alzheimer's had separated them for years. I bet they talked about all the old times that she had forgotten and the more present times that she experienced physically, but mentally missed. I bet she finally saw the legacy that their love had brought through the many great grandchildren that have been born over the past ten years that she never realized existed.
I even think that if there was a door leading into heaven he opened it for her and maybe she gave him that peck on the cheek that I so often saw. I think he showed her around and introduced her to all the saints of old that he's met over the past few months. I bet they sang some old hymns together and marveled at the glorious gardens together as gardening was always a love that they shared.
As I say goodbye to my last living grandparent tonight I have a renewed strength in the power that love has. I have a renewed vision to live out their love that they've shown me with my own husband. I hope someday I can walk hand in hand with my husband everywhere I go. That together we can draw a crowd at the window to watch something that is just as normal for us as it was for them. That my grand kids can hear how cute their grandparents are just for being in love after 60 years. That even if my mind leaves me as well, that my love can draw me where I belong, and to whom.
Once inside, he would carefully take off her coat and then remove his own coat and hat and fold them neatly on the seat next to him. At this point all the girls that had been watching were still watching in quiet amazement as she leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'll be back in a little while," she said. To which he responded, "ok, dear."
After she was done she would often ask him how she looked and he would tell her she looked very nice, dear. Then the process that happened when they arrived happened exactly in reverse as they left. This happened each and every time they came.
After they left the girls always told me how cute my grandparents were and how they wished they could be like that with their husbands when they were older. They loved it when my grandparents came to the salon for me to do her hair. The rare love they shared for a lifetime was so apparent and remarkable to see lived out. I was always so proud at the loving example I had of what love could be compared to what so many of the others were missing in their own lives.
I have so many memories of them doing everything together...making meals, doing dishes, gardening, housework and so many more that I'm sure I'm not recalling at this time.
I guess it doesn't surprise me that my grandma died today, only 4 1/2 short months after he did. She had been lost in the world of Alzheimer's for quite some time and her mind didn't even realize that he was gone; that her husband, such a vital part of her existence had died...or did she?
They say that often older people that live a lifetime together can't live apart when one dies first. That they often follow one right after the other.
I'd like to think that her love for him and his love for her that was once so vibrant really was still like a magnetic force that drew her to him, so shortly after he had left her. That even though her mind which had so seemingly betrayed her for these past years really didn't fail her at all. Somehow her mind knew that she belonged with him and her body soon followed.
Of course I'm no scientist and have no proof but through these rare glimpses into their love I certainly do think it's possible.
What a reunion there must have been today. Even though death had only separated them for a short time, Alzheimer's had separated them for years. I bet they talked about all the old times that she had forgotten and the more present times that she experienced physically, but mentally missed. I bet she finally saw the legacy that their love had brought through the many great grandchildren that have been born over the past ten years that she never realized existed.
I even think that if there was a door leading into heaven he opened it for her and maybe she gave him that peck on the cheek that I so often saw. I think he showed her around and introduced her to all the saints of old that he's met over the past few months. I bet they sang some old hymns together and marveled at the glorious gardens together as gardening was always a love that they shared.
As I say goodbye to my last living grandparent tonight I have a renewed strength in the power that love has. I have a renewed vision to live out their love that they've shown me with my own husband. I hope someday I can walk hand in hand with my husband everywhere I go. That together we can draw a crowd at the window to watch something that is just as normal for us as it was for them. That my grand kids can hear how cute their grandparents are just for being in love after 60 years. That even if my mind leaves me as well, that my love can draw me where I belong, and to whom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
