Filled Up

I have had an incredibly exhausting day...make that incredibly exhausting weeks with Jim's new schedule and the fact that he is NEVER home and actually awake. Not that he hasn't of course had his own exhaustion, but I think there's something to be said for never being able to leave your job when you're a mother. I think it's a different sort of exhausted. I try to explain it to Jim saying that it's as though you stay at work and the only time you get to leave is for about 4 hours a week (this is when I'm thankful to be able to go to the gym). I find myself staying up later and later every night just so that I can have some time to myself. Sleep is nice but I don't get much of a chance to think a thought through from start to finish when I'm sleeping. I find this quiet time that I seem to lack since I'm on duty all the time, to be what I miss most.

In light of this, I usually read for about 1/2 hour every night before I go to sleep after all the kids are finally asleep...this is 10 pm most nights. Anyway, tonight I found myself too exhausted to even open a book and decided to watch a movie instead. I can't even remember the last time I watched a t.v. show much less a movie...it's been literally months since I watched a show, I just don't have the time anymore.

Anyway, this was the best thing I could have done...I feel completely filled up and rested. My taste in movies has completely changed over the past months and I watched a good, wholesome movie and I feel like I've just had a vacation I feel that good. Nothing violent or freaky or with bad language, just a good Hallmark entertainment film.

Isn't it amazing how sometimes God knows just what we need. I so totally did NOT feel like watching a movie tonight and I kept feeling the nudge to just watch it. Reluctantly I put it in. I was more content to bury my head under my pillow and wish the crazy day would just end but I listened instead. I am so glad I did. I love it when the simplest things are so enjoyable. Don't get me wrong ,I wish I had the resources to refill my tanks with a date with my husband, a dinner out or maybe even a massage (I think) but those things just aren't possible for me. A movie is what I had and it did the trick.

Amazing how I feel this way even though today was one of those days that I felt like I deserved to be rescued. I deserved so much more but once again what I thought and what He knew I needed were so different. After all, He never promises to rescue us; just to give us what we need right when we need it. A good reminder for me today.

I'm off to go to bed with a contented smile rather than tears of self-pity!